She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
