Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize