That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
