Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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