But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
