Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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