pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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