Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
40s are totally the cure
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
