Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize