he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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