Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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