Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He shit in the fireplace
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
