remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
