Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
