I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
