Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
