I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
