:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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