You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize