I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
