You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
