i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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