Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I came so hard my ears popped.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
