I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
