I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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