Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
