This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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