How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
