i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
