You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
