The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
50% drunk capacity currently
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
