i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
