we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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