I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
