You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
