I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
