I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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