u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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