Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
