That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
