my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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