dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
