we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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