we're blogging at a bar
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
