his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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