I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
