a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
