You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
