I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
