I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
