I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
