Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
