I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
