I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
