He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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