I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
