In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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