This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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