Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
