sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Vodka?
Forever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
