you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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