the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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