Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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