I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
