Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize