There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
