Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
