I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
