I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
