Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
