Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
