I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
